Starting Therapy & Why I Returned
I’d like to start off by first saying that “everyone needs therapy”! Years ago, I didn’t believe this. I didn’t think I was a person who needed to go to therapy or if I did eventually start I would never go on a consistent basis. In my juvenile mind, people but especially if you were Black only went to therapy when you had some serious life issues to resolve. Years ago in high school, I sought out therapy after reaching a very low point in my life. My first therapist ended up hi-jacking the whole hour-long session to talk about her life and how she leaves her family stranded on the weekends because “self-care is essential”. When I tell you I left that appointment so freaked out and vowed I never to go to therapy again because I wasn’t crazy like the therapist I saw was!
Fast forward after my self-love revelation circa 2014, getting married, graduating from college, and having my first son in 2017, I finally took the leap to start my therapy journey. For years after my initial high school therapy appointment I held the notation in my head that, “as long as I kept myself together on the outside and didn't rant to others even if I’m falling apart inside, therapy wasn’t needed”. My initial therapy appointment traumatized me and I wanted to avoid another appointment like it at all costs. Full transparency, in March 2019 I hit a deep depressive state (which I like to believe was due to delayed postpartum depression mixed with stress & anxiety). As I started to watch myself wither away while watching from what felt like the shadows, I realized that if I wanted to save myself I had to find a therapist. I immediately picked up my phone, looked at the digital resource “Therapy for Black Girls” found a therapist & verified them on Psychology Today, and then booked my appointment for the next morning.
I continued with my consistent therapy appointments from March 2019 all the way until November 2019 when my perfect therapist left the practice. I was devastated but in true traditional Fatimah fashion, life had to keep going on because I wasn’t finding another therapist! I mean the first one was a perfect match for me and I didn’t want to waste my precious time trying out a new therapist especially since my schedule was BUSY! After the corona-virus pandemic, a crazy busy summer WFH schedule, and several health issues later, therapy returned to the forefront of my mind. This time, it came to me in the form of a dream reminding me of my former therapist's name and gentle nudges for me to search and see what she was up to. After a quick Google search, I found her and reached out to get started again via tele-Sessions in late July of this year. Rekindling my relationship with consistently going to therapy has reminded me that self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. You have to set time aside each day to cater and replenish yourself because stress is serious. Trust me, not prioritizing myself has to lead me to be overworked, riddled with anxiety, and experiencing an array of health issues that doctors couldn’t find a reason for despite testing.
Do yourself a favor, start your journey with therapy today. It’ll be the best decision that you can make. Allowing yourself space to just be you - judgment-free.
